i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
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Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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