I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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