Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
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i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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