I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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