Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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