bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize