She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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