Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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