I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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