The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize