He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
