Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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