I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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