Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize