6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize