I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
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Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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