Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
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For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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