so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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