i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize