gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize