Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize