you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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