Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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