my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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