I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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