Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize