You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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