So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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