yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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