so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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