I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
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puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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