i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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