This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize