Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize