well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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