just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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