Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
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This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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