In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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