I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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