How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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