i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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