guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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