I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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