Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
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I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize