If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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