i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize