i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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