I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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