She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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