I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize