This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
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I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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