Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
